Silouttes of a man walking toward a woman who seems upset with sunset behind them

在控制人的脑袋?

Most of us have experienced having someone try to control our lives and decisions for us.Unless we are extremely emotionally and spiritually unhealthy, we did not enjoy the experience.

Some of us have tried to control other people’s lives and decisions, too.(咳嗽。像我这样的。对于超过14年我们的婚姻。)

In marriage, what one spouse does affects the other.And we can certainly have discussions, collaboration, and input into each other’s lives.

但是,我们并没有试图控制另一个人的思想,言语,或行动的权力。如果我们试图做到这一点,我们将击退我们的配偶,伤害了我们的婚姻。

Even if I am in a position of God-given spiritual leadership (like a mother, a boss, or a Sunday School teacher) I don’t get to control others and govern their free-will.I can lead them.I can set a godly example.I can teach.As a mom, I can discipline wisely.

但我没有得到发挥精神控制。我没有得到他们让其他人的决定。

Why do we try to control others?

Why do some of us not understand that each adult has free-will from God to decide things like their spiritual beliefs, priorities, attitude, dietary choices, hobbies, career choices, parenting style, personality type, and other personal decisions?

Often, we developed扭曲的观点of God, self, and others in childhood that have never been corrected.Sometimes, this happens because the adults who should have taken care of us were irresponsible, absent, or addicts.Other times, we thought we had to be overly responsible for our siblings or other people because of something traumatic that happened or we misunderstood theology.

We are often blind to our control.All we can see is our woundedness, anxiety, exhaustion, and pain.We think if we have control, we can avoid more pain.

我们感到有责任为他人,我们希望他们来负责对我们来说,太。

We expect others to make us happy and whole, to fill us up and meet the deepest needs of our souls that really only Jesus can meet.We can’t see any other perspective.

A Peek into a Controller’s Mind

这是可怕的控股人想放弃控制权。他们没有意识到他们的控制只是一种错觉。他们认为,他们被自己的努力,智慧和力量认真持有一切就绪。

They think if they stop trying to manage everyone and everything, their world and everything they love will collapse into a ruinous heap of rubble.

试图控制人员的问题n to give up control is that those who try to control others are generally deceived.

你不能只解决表面上的问题,并说这样的话:

  • 你不应该试图控制人。
  • 你担心太多了。
  • 您正在耗尽自己试图进行这一切的情感重量。

They usually believe that it is their God-given responsibility and duty to try to make other people’s decisions for them to love and protect them.I believed this!There are deep-rooted core beliefs in error here that need to be addressed.

They have taken on some of God’s authority or other people’s authority that doesn’t rightly belong to them but they probably don’t see where the boundary lines are.It is actually exhausting and miserable to live this way.We weren’t designed to carry that kind of weight.

When other people tell them to stop controlling or stop worrying, they hear, “You need to stop loving me,” and that doesn’t make any sense.They hear, “You need to give up your God-given responsibilities,” and they know that can’t be right.They know they are supposed to love other people and that they are supposed to take care of their responsibilities.

The people who confront them are clearly wrong, in their minds.The controllers are still thinking with the old sinful nature with self on the throne and pride at the helm, not the new nature available to them in Christ.

控制器有爱心和责任属于每个人与神的扭曲认识。

A Controller Expects to Be Idolized

Unfortunately, controlling spouses believe (consciously or unconsciously) they should be idolized and others should submit to their will, rather than to God’s.They have self on the throne of their hearts and idolize themselves and they expect others to do the same.

They probably wouldn’t say this or admit it even to themselves.But this is what they actually believe deep down.I did this.I would never have consciously admitted it.But I did expect everyone to do what I wanted all the time.I thought I was always right.I thought people should defer to me.Whew!It was a lot of pride!

对于自己的配偶不屈服于他们,他们想要的方式,在控制器的头脑了严重的“罪行”。这实际上无异于“亵渎”。

For a controller to give up control creates a LOT of anxiety and fear, maybe also anger.They believe their world will fall apart if they are not orchestrating and overseeing everything.They believe their loved ones will be unprotected and in danger.It is as if someone is asking them to stop being God and to step down from the throne.

谁将会持续,如果他们辞职,他们的控制和主权的立场宇宙?

They don’t yet understand God’s sovereignty and have a small picture of God’s power and a huge picture of themselves and their responsibilities.

They don’t understand that God gave each person free-will and that God, Himself, honors our free-will.They can’t see yet that people don’t have the right to try to commandeer other people’s responsibilities before God.

There Is Hope!Controllers Can Find Freedom and Healing in Christ!

Ultimately, only the Holy Spirit can open our blind eyes to these important truths.

  • 只有上帝是神。
  • 我不是神。差远了。
  • 所有的人都有上帝赋予的自由意志。每个人负责的生活他/她自己的选择。
  • 如果我下台离开宝座,并高举主神的事情不会落空。其实,这是对我的医治的第一步。

It takes lots of courage, solid teaching, the power of the Holy Spirit, and humility for someone to be able to see their error and to allow God to help them tear out all their old toxic thinking and rebuild their lives completely on God’s wisdom and His Word.

We recognize the insane amount of pride we have in our hearts that we demand to be treated as equal to or above God.We recognize that this was Satan’s sin and it was his temptation to Eve, as well.That same old playbook still works on us.

We humble ourselves before God and admit that we are wretched sinners and that in us, there is nothing good.Only God is good.Our wisdom is worthless.Our efforts are destructive.Our attempts to love are toxic.We need God’s help desperately!

我们需要一个救主谁可以净化我们,使我们与神和好。

We put our老自死与耶稣每天在十字架上。We receive our position in Him as dead to self and dead to this world and sin.We choose to deny ourselves, our pride, our wisdom, and our will.We yield completely to the Lordship of Jesus.

We allow Him to shine the blazing light and truth of His Word into the darkest corners of our hearts and minds and we allow Him to get rid of all the poison and replace it all with His abundant Life.

We allow His Spirit to flow into us so that no matter what anyone else may do, we respond with His Spirit of仁爱,喜乐,和平,忍耐,恩慈,良善,温柔,忠诚,和自我控制。(加。5:22-23)

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有关

治愈我的冲动控制

婴儿学步“走你的想法圈养基督”

如何与耶稣基督的屏保关系

健康不健康VS关系

批判精神VS一个正派叱

8个强大的要点和平

精神权威Class Notes – by a minister at my church, Harold Weaver

The ABC’s of Salvation

A =承认你是个罪人and you can’t be perfect and holy enough in God’s eyes to be right with Him on your own.Turn away from your sin.“对于所有犯了罪,亏缺了神的荣耀。” Rom.3:23

B =相信耶稣代表你死了to pay the price for your sin and to give you a way to be right with God – to be forgiven.“罪的工价乃是死,惟有神的恩赐,在基督耶稣,我们的主永恒的生命。” Rom.6:23

C =坦白你的嘴耶稣是你的主– this means, Jesus is now your Master and you live your life for Him and His glory rather than for yourself from this moment on.You say it out loud to others and you live it every day.“如果你与你的嘴承认,‘耶稣是主’,并相信在您的心脏,上帝提出了从死他,你将被保存。对于你的心脏,你相信和是有道理的,并与你的嘴承认,就可以得救。” Rom.10:9-10

主权救恩– by Got Questions

30 thoughts to “What Is Going on in a Controlling Person’s Head?”

  1. 四月嗨,
    感谢分享此。它提供了非常有价值的洞察控制人是怎么想的。

    被周围的控股人是很可怕。我有个亲戚是谁(或者至少尝试定)向每个人都在她的生活非常霸气。她曾试图主宰我的宗教信仰,我的想法,我的感受,我的意见,我的想法,我怎么穿衣服,我住的地方,我喜欢,等这是绝对的真气和沮丧。她不是一个基督徒,有什么对基督教的一个奇怪的仇恨。当我来到基督,她竭尽全力把我拉离他而去,让我专注于新时代的东部信念代替。

    我花了很长的时间来学习如何从她和她的方式控制自己的距离。当我这样做,我能够蓬勃发展作为一个人,并找出我到底是谁。

    我疏远自己被
    1。在她的倾诉没有了。我只是盯着她面无表情,当她问到我的个人生活问题。我想,如果她没有太多关于我的个人生活都知道,她将不能试图控制我。
    2。不花时间与她独自一人。我只同意她身边,当其他人都围绕让她无法专注于激光般对我的控制。

    我基本上不得不打断她,让她失控。你能不能给我们处理的控股人的有效途径一些指导......。再说基本上切割出来你的生活?
    我真的很感激。

    1. 尼克,

      我认为这是对我们这些重要的谁与控制和我们这些谁爱的人谁与这场斗争,了解一些根本问题的斗争。I know people would try to tell me surface kinds of things for years, and I just couldn’t receive what they were saying because of the skewed understanding and how I truly believed I was responsible before God to make sure people did what I thought they were supposed to do.对我来说,只是停止试图控制将意味着,在我的潜意识,我恨他们,是为在主面前不负责任。

      你必须去真正内心深处去了解自己,他人和神最深的核心理念,以看到这些东西。而当你开始解决这些问题和撕裂了谎言和真理取代它很是吓人。我记得很清楚,感觉就像我,当我决定停止试图控制上帝和Greg和其他人的精神悬崖跳下。我吓坏了。我没想到一切会导致混乱。

      当然,事实并非如此!但是,这些都是因为我五岁那年我举行了歪斜的信念。

      因此,它花了一些时间和实践一大堆圣灵的力量来帮助我取代真理,有毒的思维,并开始步行它在每一天的生活。

      至于涉及控制人,也有一些事情可以做。但是,你无法控制他们或迫使他们的眼睛打开。您还没有能力把自己放在一个危险的位置精神上有分歧的人或人谁愿意拖累你远离神。

      这是可怕的是身边的控股人。感觉窒息,令人沮丧,过甜的!

      我认为你很聪明,停止在这个女人倾诉。你是完全正确的,更多的细节,你给了她,更权威,她会觉得她在你的生活。你是很明智的不是一个人花时间陪她。用控制人独处的是你会得到最糟糕的他们行为的时间。

      我知道你是熟悉后,当我们确实需要切人走出我们的生活。

      我会祈祷关于这个主题的一个帖子。这是一个伟大的想法!

      1. 尼克,

        这是一篇阿布t how acouple handled a controlling mother as a team.

        Ladies can also search my site for things like:
        – conflict
        – people pleasing
        – critical husband
        – harsh husband
        – resources for wives with angry husbands
        – command man

        Also, Leslie Vernick’s site has free resources for dealing with emotionally toxic people.I like her resources especially for non-marriage relationships.喜欢 extended family, coworkers, friends, etc…

        How to Interact with a Destructive Person
        How to Handle Toxic and Critical People

  2. 四月优秀。你的主题,你解压的方式把握是一个真正的礼物。这是理解人类生存条件之间的良好平衡 - 在我们心中的黑暗 - 然后把该进神的话语的光,并以神自己 - 轻轻地,没有羞辱和谴责的罪人 - 谁觉得够糟的了,因为它是!无论是道貌岸然也不通俗心理学!干得好姐妹 - 保持良好的工作

    1. 玛莎男,

      我一直是一个在黑暗等,痛苦和可怕的精神监狱。没有人真正知道如何找到我。我没有一个线索,什么是错在我的生命。我是这样很盲目。我祈求上帝可以使用我凌乱的故事,照他的爱,光,真理和愈合到其他的生活。我们没有这样的生活。我们不必试图携带这些重物。

      什么和平是我们的,当我们让耶稣对我们生活的宝座王想我们需要做的一切,而不是和我们携带重量,其他人的重量,甚至是上帝的责任,我们自己。

      我希望看到每个人都可以体验到耶稣,加以改造,他的力量愈合!

      谢谢你的鼓励。

      非常喜欢!

    1. 沃利Kokavec,

      我这样对你和你的家人已经历了极其艰难的挑战和痛苦的情况下,很遗憾。这是令人心碎。

      我的电话是提多书2:3-5,我设法兑现圣经,而不是把自己在当局的位置上,辅导,或教人。因此,我不认为这是最适合我的地方自己在辅导丈夫的位置。

      我所知道的是只有上帝才能打开灵性蒙蔽双眼。他睁开了眼睛。和世界各地妇女的成百上千,我已经能够见证。

      我已经看到了丈夫的敬虔的爱,基督的例子,热切的祈祷,虔诚的领导力量,用爱心说,温柔,谦逊,和毅力的真相。

      如果你有耶稣,你不是一个人在这个家庭。当你寻找他,我知道他可以给你的智慧,你需要和他的精神,你需要带领和爱为他叫你的权力。

      我有一些对于丈夫的资源这里。

      我见过有些丈夫用我的一些帖子,以“反向工程”的方法为他们的妻子。有时候,他们似乎看过之后更好地了解他们的妻子。

      如果你认为你的妻子可能是开放的阅读一些东西和你在一起,你可以邀请她做。如果你能引导她通过真正可怕的东西,她表明,你理解她的恐惧和焦虑,你知道的出路,可以帮她看到婴儿学步,她也能听到你。

      有些帖子可能是一个祝福:

      //www.leiqv.com/2016/11/03/a-husband-experiences-gods-power-in-the-face-of-a-fierce-storm/

      治愈我的冲动控制

      这促使我们要尽量控制疼痛

      https://www.gotquestions.org/controlling-people.html

      https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/confronting-emotional-and-verbal-abuse-in-the-home

      https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-should-a-husband-treat-his-quarrelsome-wife

      https://www.gotquestions.org/contentious-quarrelsome-woman.html

      主,
      我们祈祷你的治疗在这场婚姻中,这些女儿。我们祈求您的沃利的智慧和他可能在爱情,电力法,和基督的精神。我们祈祷打击敌人的计划破坏这个家庭,并邀请基督单独的胜利和基督的单独授权进入这个家。授权本夫是虔诚的人,仆人式的领导者,您都称他是。帮助他兑现你的一切,并保护他的妻子和女儿很好。给他有勇气做正确的事情在你的眼前。让你的爱与和平的统治在这个家里。

      阿门!

        1. Sounds good.I respect your stance on not counselling another man, husband.That is biblical yes.Enjoy some of your insights!
          God bless

          1. 沃利Kokavec,

            You are not alone.I’m trusting God’s promises for you and your girls.The enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy.But Jesus is ready to help you.

            Praying you will be greatly encouraged and strengthened for the spiritual battle.The real enemy is not a person, but the enemy of our souls.
            Thankfully, your family has a man who is willing to pray and seek Christ first and stand in the gap.

            You are a son of the Most High God.You have access toall of the riches and blessings of Christ.You are dearly beloved.
            God has given you to be the leader and protector of your home.With Jesus, you can do this.He will prepare and equip you.He will give you the wisdom and words and approach to use.He will flood your heart, mind, and soul with His love and His perspective for His beloved daughters.He will help you not grow weary.And He can open blinded eyes.We will trust Him together to do this for His glory.

            “Be strong and courageous.Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

            “They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
            they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
            they shall run and not be weary;
            they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

            I am cheering for you!Don’t let the enemy’s lies discourage you.Stand firm in God’s Word andwho He says you are in Jesus.

            1. Thankyou for your encouragement and prayers.Our pastors are visiting us today to set some ground rules as the negativity has become a habit so trust, healing and unity can occur again and most of all love.有时我们进入一个结,因为圣发情ress and pressures even change.However, I do not believe in dropping our standards and values in the seasons of life.

              1. 沃利Kokavec,
                That sounds like a good plan.Sometimes we need some outside assistance.Praying for God’s wisdom and Spirit to be at work in each of you today that the marriage relationship might be healed and honoring to the Lord and that you might work together as a team with the Lord to love and reach your daughters His way.

          1. I decided I needed to lay a bit more foundation about how to recognize control then next week I plan to share a post about unhealthy ways people can respond to a controlling spouse or person and a post about healthy ways.❤️

    1. 克里斯蒂娜试金石,

      我看不出这一切是怎么回事,我思考了几十年。什么祝福清楚地看到它现在看到耶稣提供出路和愈合!

  3. 这是很难忍受的控股人专门你的配偶。我后悔控制我的丈夫之后,现在,他告诉我,我不尊重他,甚至一次(因为他认为提交是我必须服从他),他认为自己是上帝对我这样,如果我打破他的一个“戒律”我打断他的一切法律......这是很难听,我不尊重他在所有的,但上帝的和平应通过任何理解,如果我依靠上帝。当我伸出恩,就这样更容易原谅...。

    感谢您四月❤️

    1. 雪莉

      这是很难忍受的控股人,也是最难的情况可能是与配偶。我想在这样的情况下,对妻子的爱,如果可能的话,伸手可信任的帮助。我也鼓励妻子把尼娜Roesner的电子课程成为力量和尊严的女人。

      你真的相信你是安全的?

      祈祷愈合和智慧为你们俩,亲爱的姐姐。我知道上天能够给你的权力和鉴别力,你需要为你寻找他全心全意。<3

  4. 我处理我的母亲谁是有暂时与我们的生活,是一个控制狂。我曾尝试设定一些界限以及如何愚蠢的是,我的期望,她会尊重他们。她居然不能,她是在基督里新造的人,并让去控制的。

    我已经跟她解释亲切的方式,我丈夫和我住,我们需要平静和安宁。她不断地说话,事情都无关,与建设的关系,因为它是所有关于她的。此外,他们总是基于恐惧和消极的。这是一个非常令人不安的局势,我很疲惫。

    我斥责下跌对聋子的耳朵,因为对于她的行为是完全无毒无悲。不过,我非常感激我的丈夫和我在我们的婚姻有和平与和谐,我能度过这次难关的唯一方法一起工作是知道我们的例子中可以提供一个环境,这将有助于她了解什么是健康的 relationship really is one day.

    1. jeannieremyministries,

      我不知道,如果你的丈夫可能有关于如何最好地接近她,可能会给你带来很多和平的一些节能理智,建议份额?

      有些人不是在一个足够健康的地方,能够尊重边界。

      我将分享一些健康的方式来关联,可能是在我的下一个职位祝福。

      对于MIL和扩展的家庭关系,我也很喜欢莱斯利Vernick的资源。

      祈求神的智慧为你和你的丈夫和他的医治是谁束缚,这亲爱的女人。

      1. It is my mother btw.❤️ My husband has been having just as hard of a time with this and we have both been in agreement that spending limited time with her is the only way to survive and knowing in our spirit when we’ve had enough time together with her is key not to become drained.Also, removing ourselves from her and going into a private room with the door locked as a safety net.Sounds crazy, but if I don’t shut the door and lock it, she will just keep looking for attention.Her incessant talking is a way for her to stay in control of everyone.My husband and I decided that to love her, is not to support her bad habits.It is a hard call because most everything out of her mouth is from the wrong spirit.So we need not pick this battle with her.Through all of this, however, my husband and I have been there for one another when we are feeling overwhelmed or just outright annoyed, which is not a godly trait, but we are doing our best.I am so grateful for my husband’s patience and tolerance for my mother.Most husbands would never go for this disruption in their house, so it is a blessing to be able to help her.❤️

        1. jeannieremyministries,

          Yikes!How did I miss that?I think I need new computer glasses.

          It is extra challenging in a situation like that, for sure.Praying for wisdom for you both.

          Here is a post that may be a blessing from one of my readers a few years agoabout this issue.

          <3

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