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9健康的方式一个基督徒的配偶可以应对 Feeling Controlled

There are plenty ofbetway 桌球 spouses could respond to a controlling spouse.That just makes things worse.

当然,上帝希望丈夫都and妻子对待自己爱配偶and尊重。当圣经说,妻子应该尊重她们的丈夫,它假定这种尊重将基于爱。当它告诉丈夫爱自己的妻子,这需要理所当然地认为,不尊重爱情不是在所有的爱。

Focus on the Family

The dynamics with a wife and a controlling husband get a little tricky because a husband does have a position of God-given leadership.So a wife needs to respect him and his position (Eph.3:22-33).And God calls the husband to be loving, selfless, gentle, and understanding with his wife (Eph.5:22-33, 1 Pet.3:7)

  • 丈夫有positional authority,这意味着,他最终对家庭的管理和指导负责主。
  • 妻子有influential authority,这意味着,她可以影响她的好丈夫(如箴言31妻子)或坏(如夏娃或耶洗别)。

9 Healthy Responses to a Controlling Spouse

This is going to require a person to be完全屈从于基督的主权。

They will need the power of the Spirit to help them love this person and they will depend on the Holy Spirit to break the spiritual bonds the controller has so the Lord can open their eyes.

他们需要正确地处理神的话语,在爱情,力量,和耶稣基督的真理行事。It’s important that spouses of the controller not act in wrong motives like fear, resentment, bitterness, sinful anger, control, malice, hatred, idolatry of the other spouse, idolatry of self, selfishness, self-righteousness, pride, sinful jealousy, etc…

This is a spiritual battle.The controller is not the enemy.The real enemy is Satan, lies, and the sinful nature.The controlling person needs the healing of Christ, just like we all do.

1.Self-examination

Before confronting anyone else about their sin, Jesus calls each of us to willingly and thoroughly examine our own lives.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

马特。7:3-5

It is difficult to receive a虔诚的训斥from someone who is sinning against you.But if the spouse/family member deals with the sin in their own life and repents for it to the Lord and the family, and they live out the fruit of repentance over a significant period, their example and words carry a lot more weight.

The goal is to love God wholeheartedly and to love the spouse with the love of Christ.Seeking to do no harm.And seeking what will bring God the greatest glory.

2.Private prayer

A spouse who is walking in right fellowship with the Lord can pray and invite God to open the controller’s eyes.Only the Holy Spirit can truly awaken any of us to the gravity of our sin.Sometimes, it can take a long season of prayer for healing to begin.

配偶也可以祈求智慧究竟 how to love, respect, and approach the controller.All believers in Christ are to humbly treat others with the very love of Christ and with gentleness, honor, dignity, and respect.

If the spouse reacts in the flesh, it will only make things a lot worse.But if they在做出回应, they can be a vessel to pour the healing of God into the marriage and the wounded controller’s life.

A spouse/family member can also invite the controller to pray together if that person is open to it.They may also be able to invite a prayer partner or godly mentor to pray.

Note – Asking a spouse to pray may be more difficult for a wife with a controlling husband.In that situation, the wife will need to be extra sensitive to the Spirit’s prompting.Sometimes关于上帝的话少can be better with a husband who is far from God—1宠物。3:1-7

Consider singing praises to God by yourself or speak them out loud.The Lord inhabits the praises of His people.

3.Respectfully, lovingly address the control issue directly

First, I vote to seek to try to understand the更深层次的核心信念,伤口和根的问题。This is especially helpful for husbands seeking to help lead wives out of bondage, in my view.They may be able to help explain the baby steps a wife needs to begin to heal.

丈夫的回答往往与有关精神层面的东西和神字少好,但妻子可能需要丈夫的爱,言语领导。

You can attempt to directly address the歪斜的思考in a loving, respectful way.I would encourage praying first and seeking God’s wisdom and prompting for the timing, the approach, and the exact words to share.

NOTE – If you know that it is not physically safe for you to do this, if you believe the person may become violent or threatening against you or your children, please get help from an experienced counselor or other authorities.If the controller is extremely unstable, you may need reinforcements or you may have to get wise counsel about if/when/how to best handle the situation who can understand your situation personally.

Scripture provides instruction about how to handle others’ sin against us:

  • If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.马特。18:15-17
  • Pay attention to yourselves!If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.Luke 17:3
  • Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.Gal.6:1
  • 我的兄弟们,如果你们中的任何人真相徘徊,有人带来了他回来,让他知道谁带回了他的流浪罪人将拯救他的灵魂从死亡和将涵盖许多的罪。雅各书5:19-20
  • 如果你看到任何兄弟或姐妹造孽不会导致死亡,你应该祈祷,上帝会给他们的生活。我指的是那些犯罪不会导致死亡。有一个罪恶导致死亡。我不是说你应该有关祈祷。约翰一书5:16

关于面对罪恶的诗句。

请记住,当你直接解决的控股人,即使你是尊重,温柔,热爱即使你的动机是纯洁的,他们可能会很得罪。

Things will probably get worse before they can get better.A wife may cry or get upset.A husband may get angry.Don’t be surprised or shaken by this.

You are not playing by their skewed version of reality and they are going to probably try to make you conform to their perspective.It is the only one they believe is accurate.

Just because they get upset, initially, doesn’t mean they won’t think about things and respect your point later.And just because they get upset, for a time, doesn’t mean you are being unkind or unloving to speak the truth in love to them.So don’t be discouraged.

You know the truth.And you have Jesus.So you don’t have to be afraid.And you don’t have to be swayed or pressured to please them more than Jesus.Don’t be swept into drama.

You don’t have to own their feelings.They may need to think about things for a while.You can invite God’s Spirit to work in their life and to help open their eyes.You can’t make them see and understand.

它通常没有必要每次他们的行为控制的时间有此相同的大讨论。

That would probably be overkill, but they do deserve to understand the challenges you are facing and how their approach is pushing you away.They need to know there is a different way to look at things and that there is sin in their life that is hurting the marriage.

You can offer your support to help them when they are ready to change.And you can be there to encourage them when they decide to take baby steps toward healing, realizing it is often a long, tedious journey.

4.Appreciate their attempts to love but don’t be coerced

If a spouse speaks the truth in love but the controller still can’t see, the spouse doesn’t have to be manipulated or coerced into something they know is wrong.

A husband could prayerfully say things like:

  • 谢谢你给我的爱不够关心我的健康。我明白,你要我健康,长寿和你在一起。我将不得不作出什么我吃,我如何行使自己做决定。如果我需要的支持和帮助,在这方面,我知道我可以问你的帮助。谢谢你在那里对我来说。
  • 当你说X还是Y,它伤害了我。我觉得很想从你往回走,因为我觉得不被尊重。我不想这样做。我希望我们都能够是脆弱和感到被爱和荣幸。
  • 我知道这是正常的妻子像自己的丈夫这几天说话。我们男人都是大而强,但我们是有感情的。我不认为你很感激,如果我跟你说话的方式。我很乐意为我们双方都能互相荣誉和尊严。
  • 当你说用这种语气,我觉得你是想成为我的妈妈,而不是我的妻子和他的队友。我更喜欢它,当你是我的妻子。
  • 我敢肯定,你是不是故意这样做,但你现在看起来和听起来很生气的权利。(拥抱和微笑)我们是在同一支球队。我喜欢它,当你的微笑和喜欢我的朋友的行为。
  • 你的声音真的很苦恼这一点。我有一种感觉,我们在您生活中的一些深的伤口正在促进你现在多么愤怒。地区你在哪里痛啊。我们可以谈论在一起,而我和你拥抱?
  • 我需要一点空间和时间,现在去思考。我深深地爱你,所以我不想让你担心它意味着我心烦意乱。我只是内部处理的事情,需要经过的事情要考虑我自己的一点。我们有不同的方法和个性,这是一件好事。
  • 那种感觉那种控制/闷死我了。我们可以尝试一种不同的方法?这里是什么,我宁愿一个例子...
  • 谢谢你给我的爱不够,检查一下我与主同行。这是对我很重要,太。其实,我觉得更有动力去追求我自己与上帝的关系,当别人不提醒我。我希望你能信任我来处理这对我自己,请。
  • 我知道你是担心事情不会好起来,如果我不这样做,你觉得我应该做的。我承诺,我会考虑所有的你,除了我有顾虑分享的内容。让我们这个共同和信任上帝祈求帮助引导我们。最终,我知道上帝会抱着我负责的这个决定,我想要做的是最好的他的眼睛。
  • 感谢您与我分享你的关注和智慧。我需要一些时间和空间去思考的东西,祷告,寻求神的智慧。我想确保我们做什么最尊敬他。
  • 亲爱的,谢谢你想帮助我。(拥抱和亲吻)你知道这将是一个很大的帮助我吗?如果你能做到这X将意味着很多给我。
  • 我知道你的意思不是试图控制我。我知道你只是想帮助我,爱我。怎么样,我给你一个小信号,让你知道什么时候我感觉有点太地照顾?

Some of the above suggestions may also work for adults with their parents.

A wife could prayerfully say things like

  • 谢谢你对我们家中的佼佼者。我想兑现主,我要兑现你的领导。我倒是也想觉得我有输入和声音,就像我们是一个团队。
  • 宝贝,我可以请有权限对着你的生活?
  • 当你对我说X,这很伤我的心。我觉得被忽略了, I never want to feel that way with you.
  • Ouch.
  • That sounded harsh.
  • I really love it when you approach me more like this…
  • I am feeling too pressured right now.I may need a bit of space and time to think, please.
  • It kind of sounds like you are angry.Am I understanding correctly?
  • When you talk like that, I feel really tense.Could we just cuddle for a minute and relax together?I need a second to calm down, please.
  • I want to cooperate with what you would like.But I would really love it if you approached me more gently like this…
  • I want to be able to be more open and vulnerable with you.What would help me to do that would be X, Y, and Z.
  • When you use that loud volume and that angry-sounding tone of voice, it is really hard for me to feel safe emotionally with you like I want to.(hug or back rub)
  • (Privately) Honey, I wonder if we need to take a break for a few minutes.It seems like our son is really scared right now.
  • I appreciate your leadership and that you want to do what is best for us.Right now, I am feeling a bit rushed and pressured.I’d like to have another day to get my head around this decision and to pray before we make a final decision.
  • It’s okay if I don’t always agree with you.I can still respect and honor you even if we think differently.
  • I want to honor your leadership and cooperate with what you think is best.But X goes against God’s Word and my ultimate submission must be to Jesus.So this is something I just can’t do.Is there a way we can get you what you would like while honoring the Lord?
  • I’d like to learn more about what the Bible says our角色是作为丈夫和妻子。I found this resource that was interesting.Could we look at it together sometime?

Some other approaches a wife can take include beingvulnerableand direct about what she desires and how she feels:

  • I would like to do X, please.
  • I want X, please.
  • I don’t want Y.
  • I feel nervous about that pathway.
  • I feel upset about this.
  • I feel afraid of that.
  • I really love this idea.
  • I don’t like that idea.
  • Please don’t speak to me so harshly.
  • I need to take a break to collect my thoughts and pray.

And sometimes, the best approach a wife can take isnot to use words but to pray and set a godly example, allowing the Lord to work miracles.(1 Pet.3:1-6)

She will also need to be sure shereverences Godandthinks rightly about herself.

Each culture has its own differences in these areas, and so does each family and individual.As we each seek the Lord, He can give us exactly what to say at the right moment.

We are wise to choose our battles.Not every issue is worth a confrontation.

5.Agape love

Your spouse’s greatest need is Jesus.If they are spiritually dead, they need a resurrection.The greatest priority must be to set a godly example to point them to Jesus.1 Cor.7:10-16)

A spouse may decide to continue to show God’s love and honor to the controller, not the sin, but the person and the position they hold in marriage, knowing who they can be when God heals them.Seeking to set a godly example, undeterred by the controller’s spiritual blindness and sickness.

This spouse can refuse toidolize the controlleror be apeople pleaser。They may choose to yield fully to God, themselves, seeking to demonstrate the power of the love of Jesus to overcome evil with good.

So a spouse might continue to do kind, thoughtful, honoring things for the controlling spouse.不操纵,而不是出于恐惧,而不是安抚控制配偶,只是祝福,分享耶稣的爱。

毕竟,耶稣爱我们,当我们还是他的敌人。他可以给我们,我们需要爱我们的配偶在超自然方式的动力了。

配偶可以显示无私,喜悦,快乐,毅力,耐心,和圣灵所结的果子,求保佑控制的配偶。祈祷上帝打开人的眼睛和软化他们的心脏。

配偶也可一定要做好自己的本分是妻子/丈夫主称他们是和他们portray their side of the covenant of marriage在神荣耀的方式。这祝福的孩子,可能是上帝的手的工具来绘制任性的配偶家庭基督。

配偶可以找到自己security and identity in Christ alone。他们甚至可以找到contentment in Him in painful trials.

6。回应与幽默温柔

有些夫妻可以尝试用幽默的偏转控制的配偶。这可以工作,有时。其他时候,它只是激怒控制配偶更多。但在正确的情况下,温和的幽默,可以缓解紧张局势。

如果是用恶意做,只会使事情变得更糟。

7。恩典

我们都需要恩典的时候。如果有人被耗尽,生病,激素,超强调,在疼痛等......它可能是明智的只是给一个拥抱,并邀请配偶搂抱和放松。

有时,当试图有人激动或者身体不适时进入一个深入的讨论只会使事情变得更糟。

有时候,我们需要的是别人看我们的眼睛,爱我们,阻止我们,并让我们相信事情会好起来的。我们需要找人倾诉我们失望了悬崖上一个糟糕的一天。有人轻轻重定向我们回到狭窄的道路,导致生活。

首先,彼此深深相爱,因为爱能遮掩许多的罪。

1宠物。4:8

这节经文并不意味着我们在另一个人的生活从来没有地址罪。但也有我们可能只需要爱他们的时间。

8。带来适当的增援外如果有必要

不要在人谁是一团糟精神上或情感,自取。选择人谁是接近主,谁知道如何有一个强大的,健康的婚姻。最好选择人谁是熟悉的人有类似控制问题的工作。

If the spouse does confront the controlling spouse and the controller refuses to repent, it is wise to bring in a strong believer (like a trusted mentor, experienced pastor, or solid Christian counselor) to help intervene with the hope of seeing the controlling spouse’s spiritual eyes be opened so they can turn from fear, anxiety, pride, and control and be healed by Christ.(马特。18:15-17)

如果控制器的眼睛被打开,他们可能愿意悔改,并希望改变。如果他们的眼睛没有打开,他们只会感受到迫害,仍然相信其他人是错误的,“出去找他们。”

请记住,一旦主打开控制器的眼睛,它通常是治疗的一个长期,缓慢的过程。

9。分离与和解的希望(不得已)

如果控制配偶有失控的心理健康问题,死不悔改通奸,虐待,不受控制的药物/酒精成瘾,等等另一方可能需要大量的外部支持。有时候信任被破坏得很厉害,这是不可能继续生活在一起,直到所犯的罪行配偶愿意改变。

如果控制/滥用严重不够,配偶也跟着太7:1-5和马太福音18:15-17,有些时候,事情可能是这样虐待的配偶prayerfully choose to separate

如果配偶和/或孩子并不安全,有责任让自己和孩子伤害的方式。

的愿望应该是上帝的医治和控制器恢复和婚姻进行协调,如果可能的话。当然,在真正的滥用情况,控制器将需要明智的建议,将需要表现出真正悔改和忏悔的果实在一段时间显著量前和解是可能的。信托将不得不煞费苦心重建。

对于严重的危险配偶,请与信任的本地帮助,请联系医生,取得联系的顾问,他打电话报警,或联系www.thehotline.org.

分享

是否有办法的人走近你时,你是一个有点霸道,这是有帮助吗?或者你认为什么样的方式,你希望有人在你的生活解决的问题?

上帝已经给了你如何通常接近控制的配偶或其他人在你的生活,你想分享的智慧?

图书

对于谁与争控的妻子,我的书,“The Peaceful Wife,”可与拼写出婴儿学步愈合真的很有帮助。

对于谁与争控,我的书妈妈“The Peaceful Mom”提供了所有的精神步骤妇女需要找到与上帝真正的和平,与自己,与他们的家庭成员。

资源

The Cure for My Compulsion to Control

Spiritual Authority- 从部长在我的教会的课堂笔记

What Is Respect in Marriage

资源 for Wives with Angry Husbands

Where do Hatred, Rage, Violence, and Abuse Fit in a Christian’s Life?

When Would I Not Submit to My Husband?

Christian Submission: Is It Only for Women?

Influencing an Unbelieving Husband for Christ

The Purpose of Marriage

ABC’s of SALVATION

外部资源

Danvers Statement by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood(采写/约翰·派博,韦恩·格鲁德姆,和其他人编辑)

Submission of Wives to Husbands通过www.focusonthefamily.org

What Does the Bible Say about Emotional Abuse?通过www.gotquestions.org

How to Deal with a Controlling Person通过www.gotquestions.org

尼娜Roesner的电子课程Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity是伟大的与控制丈夫的妻子。

What Does It Mean to Be a Godly Husband?通过www.gotquestions.org

A Word to Men Who Demean Their Wives由约翰·派博

What Does the Bible Say about a Contentious or Quarrelsome Woman?

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood- 由韦恩·格鲁德姆和约翰·派博编辑免费的PDF(至少检查出第1章)

5 thoughts to “9 Healthy Ways a Christian Spouse Could Respond to Feeling Controlled”

    1. jeannieremyministries,

      也许会更好,只写了一本书,是吧?

      我很高兴,这是一个祝福。这是所有参与这样一个艰难的,痛苦的话题。

      愿主赐智慧,所有谁是困难的关系挣扎,可他一起来治愈所有谁是诱捕。

      非常喜欢!

  1. 不是身体,但已经够糟了......我所做的一切和更多而且也只是没有结束他的控制。我想所有剩下的是分离。

    1. C,
      如果事情是很毒的,请与别人在你信任的人谁拥有的经验,可以帮助您完成此帮助伸手。我真的很抱歉听到这个事情是如此糟糕。祈祷为你的才智和治疗为你们俩。

      尼娜Roesner的电子课程成为力量和尊严的女人可能会有所帮助。
      并专注于家庭有一个免费的咨询服务和转介程序。

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