There are plenty ofbetway 桌球 spouses could respond to a controlling spouse.That just makes things worse.
当然，上帝希望丈夫都and妻子对待自己爱配偶and尊重。当圣经说，妻子应该尊重她们的丈夫，它假定这种尊重将基于爱。当它告诉丈夫爱自己的妻子，这需要理所当然地认为，不尊重爱情不是在所有的爱。Focus on the Family
The dynamics with a wife and a controlling husband get a little tricky because a husband does have a position of God-given leadership.So a wife needs to respect him and his position (Eph.3:22-33).And God calls the husband to be loving, selfless, gentle, and understanding with his wife (Eph.5:22-33, 1 Pet.3:7)
- 丈夫有positional authority，这意味着，他最终对家庭的管理和指导负责主。
- 妻子有influential authority，这意味着，她可以影响她的好丈夫（如箴言31妻子）或坏（如夏娃或耶洗别）。
9 Healthy Responses to a Controlling Spouse
This is going to require a person to be完全屈从于基督的主权。
They will need the power of the Spirit to help them love this person and they will depend on the Holy Spirit to break the spiritual bonds the controller has so the Lord can open their eyes.
他们需要正确地处理神的话语，在爱情，力量，和耶稣基督的真理行事。It’s important that spouses of the controller not act in wrong motives like fear, resentment, bitterness, sinful anger, control, malice, hatred, idolatry of the other spouse, idolatry of self, selfishness, self-righteousness, pride, sinful jealousy, etc…
This is a spiritual battle.The controller is not the enemy.The real enemy is Satan, lies, and the sinful nature.The controlling person needs the healing of Christ, just like we all do.
Before confronting anyone else about their sin, Jesus calls each of us to willingly and thoroughly examine our own lives.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.马特。7：3-5
It is difficult to receive a虔诚的训斥from someone who is sinning against you.But if the spouse/family member deals with the sin in their own life and repents for it to the Lord and the family, and they live out the fruit of repentance over a significant period, their example and words carry a lot more weight.
The goal is to love God wholeheartedly and to love the spouse with the love of Christ.Seeking to do no harm.And seeking what will bring God the greatest glory.
A spouse who is walking in right fellowship with the Lord can pray and invite God to open the controller’s eyes.Only the Holy Spirit can truly awaken any of us to the gravity of our sin.Sometimes, it can take a long season of prayer for healing to begin.
配偶也可以祈求智慧究竟 how to love, respect, and approach the controller.All believers in Christ are to humbly treat others with the very love of Christ and with gentleness, honor, dignity, and respect.
If the spouse reacts in the flesh, it will only make things a lot worse.But if they在做出回应， they can be a vessel to pour the healing of God into the marriage and the wounded controller’s life.
A spouse/family member can also invite the controller to pray together if that person is open to it.They may also be able to invite a prayer partner or godly mentor to pray.
Note – Asking a spouse to pray may be more difficult for a wife with a controlling husband.In that situation, the wife will need to be extra sensitive to the Spirit’s prompting.Sometimes关于上帝的话少can be better with a husband who is far from God—1宠物。3：1-7。
Consider singing praises to God by yourself or speak them out loud.The Lord inhabits the praises of His people.
3.Respectfully, lovingly address the control issue directly
First, I vote to seek to try to understand the更深层次的核心信念，伤口和根的问题。This is especially helpful for husbands seeking to help lead wives out of bondage, in my view.They may be able to help explain the baby steps a wife needs to begin to heal.
You can attempt to directly address the歪斜的思考in a loving, respectful way.I would encourage praying first and seeking God’s wisdom and prompting for the timing, the approach, and the exact words to share.
NOTE – If you know that it is not physically safe for you to do this, if you believe the person may become violent or threatening against you or your children, please get help from an experienced counselor or other authorities.If the controller is extremely unstable, you may need reinforcements or you may have to get wise counsel about if/when/how to best handle the situation who can understand your situation personally.
Scripture provides instruction about how to handle others’ sin against us:
- If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone.If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.马特。18:15-17
- Pay attention to yourselves!If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.Luke 17:3
- Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.Gal.6:1
Things will probably get worse before they can get better.A wife may cry or get upset.A husband may get angry.Don’t be surprised or shaken by this.
You are not playing by their skewed version of reality and they are going to probably try to make you conform to their perspective.It is the only one they believe is accurate.
Just because they get upset, initially, doesn’t mean they won’t think about things and respect your point later.And just because they get upset, for a time, doesn’t mean you are being unkind or unloving to speak the truth in love to them.So don’t be discouraged.
You know the truth.And you have Jesus.So you don’t have to be afraid.And you don’t have to be swayed or pressured to please them more than Jesus.Don’t be swept into drama.
You don’t have to own their feelings.They may need to think about things for a while.You can invite God’s Spirit to work in their life and to help open their eyes.You can’t make them see and understand.
That would probably be overkill, but they do deserve to understand the challenges you are facing and how their approach is pushing you away.They need to know there is a different way to look at things and that there is sin in their life that is hurting the marriage.
You can offer your support to help them when they are ready to change.And you can be there to encourage them when they decide to take baby steps toward healing, realizing it is often a long, tedious journey.
4.Appreciate their attempts to love but don’t be coerced
If a spouse speaks the truth in love but the controller still can’t see, the spouse doesn’t have to be manipulated or coerced into something they know is wrong.
A husband could prayerfully say things like:
Some of the above suggestions may also work for adults with their parents.
A wife could prayerfully say things like
- 当你对我说X,这很伤我的心。我觉得被忽略了, I never want to feel that way with you.
- That sounded harsh.
- I really love it when you approach me more like this…
- I am feeling too pressured right now.I may need a bit of space and time to think, please.
- It kind of sounds like you are angry.Am I understanding correctly?
- When you talk like that, I feel really tense.Could we just cuddle for a minute and relax together?I need a second to calm down, please.
- I want to cooperate with what you would like.But I would really love it if you approached me more gently like this…
- I want to be able to be more open and vulnerable with you.What would help me to do that would be X, Y, and Z.
- When you use that loud volume and that angry-sounding tone of voice, it is really hard for me to feel safe emotionally with you like I want to.（hug or back rub)
- （Privately) Honey, I wonder if we need to take a break for a few minutes.It seems like our son is really scared right now.
- I appreciate your leadership and that you want to do what is best for us.Right now, I am feeling a bit rushed and pressured.I’d like to have another day to get my head around this decision and to pray before we make a final decision.
- It’s okay if I don’t always agree with you.I can still respect and honor you even if we think differently.
- I want to honor your leadership and cooperate with what you think is best.But X goes against God’s Word and my ultimate submission must be to Jesus.So this is something I just can’t do.Is there a way we can get you what you would like while honoring the Lord?
- I’d like to learn more about what the Bible says our角色是作为丈夫和妻子。I found this resource that was interesting.Could we look at it together sometime?
Some other approaches a wife can take include beingvulnerableand direct about what she desires and how she feels:
- I would like to do X, please.
- I want X, please.
- I don’t want Y.
- I feel nervous about that pathway.
- I feel upset about this.
- I feel afraid of that.
- I really love this idea.
- I don’t like that idea.
- Please don’t speak to me so harshly.
- I need to take a break to collect my thoughts and pray.
And sometimes, the best approach a wife can take isnot to use words but to pray and set a godly example, allowing the Lord to work miracles.（1 Pet.3:1-6)
Each culture has its own differences in these areas, and so does each family and individual.As we each seek the Lord, He can give us exactly what to say at the right moment.
We are wise to choose our battles.Not every issue is worth a confrontation.
Your spouse’s greatest need is Jesus.If they are spiritually dead, they need a resurrection.The greatest priority must be to set a godly example to point them to Jesus.（1 Cor.7:10-16)
A spouse may decide to continue to show God’s love and honor to the controller, not the sin, but the person and the position they hold in marriage, knowing who they can be when God heals them.Seeking to set a godly example, undeterred by the controller’s spiritual blindness and sickness.
This spouse can refuse toidolize the controlleror be apeople pleaser。They may choose to yield fully to God, themselves, seeking to demonstrate the power of the love of Jesus to overcome evil with good.
So a spouse might continue to do kind, thoughtful, honoring things for the controlling spouse.不操纵，而不是出于恐惧，而不是安抚控制配偶，只是祝福，分享耶稣的爱。
配偶也可一定要做好自己的本分是妻子/丈夫主称他们是和他们portray their side of the covenant of marriage在神荣耀的方式。这祝福的孩子，可能是上帝的手的工具来绘制任性的配偶家庭基督。
If the spouse does confront the controlling spouse and the controller refuses to repent, it is wise to bring in a strong believer (like a trusted mentor, experienced pastor, or solid Christian counselor) to help intervene with the hope of seeing the controlling spouse’s spiritual eyes be opened so they can turn from fear, anxiety, pride, and control and be healed by Christ.（马特。18:15-17)
如果控制/滥用严重不够，配偶也跟着太7：1-5和马太福音18：15-17，有些时候，事情可能是这样虐待的配偶prayerfully choose to separate。
对于谁与争控的妻子，我的书，“The Peaceful Wife,”可与拼写出婴儿学步愈合真的很有帮助。
对于谁与争控，我的书妈妈“The Peaceful Mom”提供了所有的精神步骤妇女需要找到与上帝真正的和平，与自己，与他们的家庭成员。
Spiritual Authority- 从部长在我的教会的课堂笔记
Danvers Statement by the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood（采写/约翰·派博，韦恩·格鲁德姆，和其他人编辑）
Submission of Wives to Husbands通过www.focusonthefamily.org
What Does the Bible Say about Emotional Abuse?通过www.gotquestions.org
How to Deal with a Controlling Person通过www.gotquestions.org
尼娜Roesner的电子课程Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity是伟大的与控制丈夫的妻子。
What Does It Mean to Be a Godly Husband?通过www.gotquestions.org
Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood- 由韦恩·格鲁德姆和约翰·派博编辑免费的PDF（至少检查出第1章）