男子拿着手机,上面写着:

这些“为什么”的问题会伤害你的婚姻

它不一定是错的想找出从你丈夫的信息。但是你接近他的方式产生很大的差别!而不是“为什么”的问题,想重新措辞的东西,这样你就不会因为质疑他的动机和意图碰到过。

提出尖锐的“为什么”的问题,可能意味着你认为他是愚蠢的或有邪恶的动机。它吸收一切浪漫冲出大气层。

  • Why would you do that?
  • Why did you do this?
  • Why didn’t you do X?

它那种声音就像我说的...

  • My way is better.
  • Your way is wrong.
  • I don’t think you are competent or capable.

问你的丈夫的问题以尊重的态度

有时候是要问的事情,如果你不明白或者你认为你可能不认同的东西是非常重要的。

  • Hmm… I think I’m confused.Would you mind sharing some of your thoughts on this?
  • That was surprising!I’d love to hear more about your perspective on this issue.
  • I would really like to understand this situation better.我认为这将帮助我,如果我能知道一点关于你的思维过程。
  • 您的观点是从我的真的不一样。我想尝试让你的观点有更好的了解。

有时不需要问题

其他时候,我们可能并不需要在所有问什么。我不必多管闲事关于他的生活的每一个细节。尤其是如果它是什么,仅仅是不那么重要,如:

  • 他为什么选择在一定的道路,而不是另一个。
  • 为什么他吃什么,他做的早餐。
  • 为什么他没刮胡子的那一天。

如果我们问的每一件小事,它可以感觉从我们的丈夫的角度不舒服的审讯。特别是随着很多不必要的“为什么”的问题。它更被激怒的妈妈/调皮的小儿子的氛围中。

这不是一个转弯。

真正的安全漏洞和婚姻中的情感联系是有很多困难时,我们的人觉得我们在不断质疑他们的动机和决策。我们可能喜欢他们,但我们在那些时刻感到很刺,我们的办法排斥我们的人。

给予一些空间是健康的

我个人必须学会采取了几大步骤回来,给我丈夫更多的空间和喘息的机会,并让他自己决定。事实证明,他的动机通常是不错的。他只是想比我做的一个非常不同的方式。

对我来说,它的工作原理好多了,当我给我的人的疑点利益。我发现我并不真的需要问他对我曾经说过的事约80-90%。如果我需要问问题,我找到了at a friendly approach and a desire to understand him and his thought process works a lot better than a critical spirit on my part.

Prickly why questions can ruin almost any relationship

We’ve probably all been on the unpleasant receiving end of these kinds of barbed questions.It’s like trying to have a relationship with a porcupine who is throwing quills our way.

  • 你为什么不约会的人?
  • 你为什么不结婚了没有?
  • 你为什么没有生过孩子?
  • 你为什么要护理你的宝宝?
  • 你为什么要送你的孩子到学校?
  • 为什么你穿你的头发呀?
  • 你为什么穿成这样?
  • 你为什么住在这附近?
  • 你为什么去那个教会?
  • 你为什么不超过你的父亲去世了吗?

When we question other people’s life decisions and motives, we signal to them that they aren’t emotionally safe with us.They will want to put up their guard around us as self-defense.

Instead of questions like this that can feel probing, accusatory, and intrusive, how about one or two friendly conversation starters (with loving motives, a genuine smile, and friendly voice, of course) like:

  • 是什么在你的世界,这些天怎么回事?
  • 你有这样一个惊人的微笑。
  • 今天你的心脏什么的?
  • 你的宝宝这么可爱。发生了什么,她都做了些什么?
  • 你知道我很佩服你呢?X,Y和Z ...
  • 它是如此高兴见到你!你永远照亮我的一天。
  • 如何你都在干什么?
  • 怎么样的大户型项目来一起?
  • 有什么我可以为你祈祷什么?

Let’s be a soft place for other people to feel welcome.Where they don’t feel like it’s the Inquisition.And they don’t feel like they have to put up walls to protect themselves.

Are there times we need to address difficult topics with our husbands, friends, extended family, or other people?Sure.Sometimes there are.But we can do that with love and right motives rather than a批判精神。

What about asking God, “Why?”

I had never thought about how God or my husband felt being on the receiving end of my words until about 11.5 years ago.I knew I didn’t like it when I felt people questioned my motives or when people asked me a lot of questions like they felt I wasn’t making wise decisions.But I didn’t connect that Greg—and even God—might feel the same way when I asked them a lot of pointed why questions.

  • 上帝,你为什么让这种情况发生?
  • 上帝,你为什么不制止?
  • 上帝,你为什么给我这个情况呢?
  • 上帝,你为什么不这样处理我要你的方式吗?
  • 上帝,你为什么说“不?”

It made me realize that I want to be careful about how I approach God, too.I want to treat Him with the utmost reverence, respect, awe, and trust.He is completely good.He can’t have evil motives.

当我问“你为什么......?” to Him, could I be assuming He had wrong motives toward me or someone else?

God doesn’t lie.He is not tempted by sin.He doesn’t have wrong motives.He isn’t trying to hurt me.He wants to save me, heal me, transform me, and be glorified in my life.He wants what is best for me and every person on this planet.He wants to bring about His perfect will for me that will bring me great fulfillment, purpose, and joy.

And yet, He gives me free will.I can choose to sin.I can choose to rebel.So can other people.Sinful people can choose evil.Sinful people do hurt others, at times.God doesn’t make anyone sin or tempt anyone to sin, though.I can’t blame God for other people’s sinful choices.They are responsible for their actions.

Then there is the enemy of our souls, Satan.He is totally evil.Everything he does is out of bad motives.I don’t have to ask why Satan did anything.He does bad things because he is pure evil.He wants to hurt God and every person on the planet.He wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

The Lord welcomes our prayers.He welcomes our repentance from sin.He welcomes our faith.He can calm our doubts and help us in our weakness and struggles.He welcomes our genuine questions.But I want to check my heart and be sure I approach Him respectfully.I don’t ever want to accuse the Lord of evil motives or wrongdoing.That’s a big deal.

Instead of asking God, “Why, God?” What if I ask Him things like:

  • 你怎么想我的生活很好用吗?
  • 这很伤人!请你加强和医治我?
  • 你要什么我学 - ?你怎么想我是在这种情况下,一个祝福?
  • 你在这个痛苦的试验对我有什么精神财富?
  • 你会帮我更相信你吗?
  • 我怎么能赞美你在这场风暴?
  • 你想实现什么这里美女?
  • 你在这次试验中对我有什么祝福? - 什么是你对我的任务在这?
  • 你在我身上看到了什么罪,需要去?
  • 请你帮我在我的弱点是什么?
  • 我现在不知道,但我知道我有一天会。你能帮我增加信心?

He is faithful.Even when we aren’t.He is completely trustworthy.As we allow Him to help us see our skewed thinking and get rid of lies, He can help us build our lives on truth.This is how His perfect love can cast out all fear.When we know how good He is and His motives toward us are without fault, we can trust Him.

Even when He leads us through a dark valley, we know He is right there, leading the way, protecting us, providing for us, and bringing about blessing.What Satan and sinful people intend for evil, our God can use for great good.We can be encouraged and rejoice in Him today!

NOTE: Most adults and even teens do better when they don’t feel interrogated in a relationship.非常喜欢!

❤

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Have you learned more productive ways to ask your hubby questions that you think may be a blessing to the other ladies?You’re welcome to share!

PS

If you have a man who really does have evil motives and is trying to hurt you or has major issues and is very toxic, please reach out for experienced help in your area.This post is not about guys who are abusive, involved in unrepentant adultery, dealing with severe uncontrolled mental health issues, are habitual liars, or are purposely deceptive.

8个想法“这些‘为什么’的问题会伤害你的婚姻”

  1. 我甚至不能一开始就告诉你这多少祝福我吧!我认真地感觉到自己的心脏涌出了喜悦,有这样在我的指尖漂亮的博客文章。我因虔诚的智慧和经文和你非常明确和具体的方法,我们可以给别人用仁慈和恩讲话的例子非常感激。谢谢你一百万次,这个职位!这是非常对我非常有帮助,它是这样的鼓励。我要打印出来,并阅读一遍又一遍!上帝保佑你,亲爱的姐姐在主!

  2. 四月嗨,
    我爱为什么的问题,我们应该问上帝。这将有助于我们在圣洁通过我们的各种试验种植。

    1. 内卡,

      是的,我在练要求更有效率的问题,今年,我们面临新的考验。我觉得它给了我一个完全不同的观点和态度是这样的祝福。

      感谢分享!<3

  3. 我跟很多敬虔women.I的建议成为一个好妻子和母亲。我尊重,珍惜和爱我的丈夫。直到他骗了。他破坏了婚姻。这不是一个“错误”,他只是一个背叛,躺在一块败类。他选择摧毁我们有什么。从欢呼自私。而“带我回去”的最后一根稻草。我慷慨地给了他一个新的机会的礼物。现在,我是被人爱,珍惜和尊重的人!而这绝不会再次发生变化。

    1. 艾达约翰娜保罗,

      我真的很抱歉听到你的丈夫对你不忠。这将是难以忍受的。尤其是当你正在寻求对待他。

      我们每个人都有自由意志,丈夫和妻子可以选择欺骗和背叛别人,这太可怕了。配偶可以所做的一切都是正确的,但有些人还是会因为欺骗是什么在他们的心中,并因为他们远离上帝,这太悲惨了。我想没有人曾经经历的那种痛苦。

      最终,我们服从上帝和选择来对待我们的人以及对主,由他给予奖励,并通过他,不管我们的人可以选择做荣幸。我很高兴你做了什么是正确的,所以你不必有遗憾。

      当然,还有时候,一个虔诚的妻子不能继续留在丈夫。作弊是不行的。它打破了婚约。我已经看见主了医治婚姻很多时候船尾er an affair, but a whole lot of trust has to be rebuilt.And the cheating spouse must be willing to repent and stop cheating.It’s a very difficult road.

      I can certainly understand that in some situations, it could be best to leave.

      Praying for the Lord’s healing for you and salvation for your husband.

      Much love to you!

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